"The Spirit Molecule" and 3 years later

About 3 1/2 half years ago I took a substance called 5MEO-DMT and it profoundly changed my life. 5MEO-DMT is a natural substance which is not only found in nature - it is produced by the human brain in what is known as the pituitary gland aka "The Third Eye". Supposedly, our pituitary gland produces this substance in plentiful amounts when we are children, but something happens when we are 12 years old - it starts to calcify and the production slows down. When you ingest it (in my case I smoked it) it gives you the most intense trip in existence. I mean, it totally blows away LSD, shrooms, mescaline, plain ol' DMT or anything else. I think Terrence McKenna described it well when he said "It's like being strapped to a rocket and being shot into the sun". Can you imagine that? Yeah I can confirm that it really is like that. However, it's experience was not in any way a fleeting. It effects you profoundly on the deepest level possible, in a way that is not easily forgotten. It haunts you for years afterwards. In my case it scared the bejeebus out of me. Part of this fear is knowing absolutely without a doubt, that I will one day experience it again and there is no way of getting out of it. I will experience it again when I die.


When I took it 3 years ago, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I basically induced a near-death experience, taking me to the place where I am pretty sure we "go" when we die. I mean everyone. It's a place where EVERYTHING - you, me, the birds sitting in the trees, the grass on the ground, the creepy crawly bugs - exists as one unified consciousness. It is a level of consciousness that is pure energy, and it is infinite. Infinite meaning it goes on forever. There is no time nore space. It has always existed and always will exist. It is everything and it is nothing. It has been described by many as "The Everything" and "The Nothing" and also "The Void". It's where Everthing and Nothing exist simultaneously. I personally like to call it "The Everything" because I find that term to be more positive.


When I reached the level of consciousness known as "The Everything", it was like someone had literally put a sheet of glass in front of my eyes and hit it with a hammer, cracking it into a asymmetrical fractal of many many pieces. It shattered the illusion of this world and showed me the truth - underneath this illusion we are all one unified infinite field of energy, and our egos' illusions of separation do not exist there.

When I was entering this realm, my ego was not very happy about it. It didn't like this place, it made it feel very small and insignificant. It was traumatized. I have been dealing with this trauma for the past 3 years, ever since this experience. If I were to go to a traditional doctor, I would most likely be told that I have "Panic Disorder" and would be prescribed anti-depressants. I refused to go this route, and instead chose to speak with a trans-personal therapist to help me deal with the issues this experience drummed out from my subconscious.

Essentially, it exposed my fear of death - my ego's fear of death. It turns out that 5meo-dmt did not *cause* this fear, but exposed it. Apparently this fear started when I was about 3 years old, when my father abandoned my mother and I to go on a soul-searching, partying sojourn to California for 2 years.

More on this topic to come. It's a complex one.......