Happy New (Roman Calendar) Year or whatever

It is no secret that I am not really all that into New Years Eve of the December 31st variety. The Julian Calendar was implemented by the Roman Empire, and really holds no meaning to me whatsoever. I prefer to celebrate the Earth's renewal cycle at the Spring Equinox and am usually beginning a winter-long deep meditation (officially started on the Winter Solstice) on December 31st. Since Saturn is in retrograde until July of 2009, I am HEAVILY concentrating on completing goals from last year. I had a lot of setbacks regarding goals last year, which I am intending to resolve for once and for all this year.

1. Launch the redesign of the Fundamental Bass Intelligence website.
2. Release FBI005 - Mandroid - Anti-Gravity Machines EP and 12 inch single.
3. Launch my online community technobass.net.
4. Get my health back in order.
5. Get my VW back on the road.
6. Pay off taxes and credit card debt.
7. Lose about ten to fifteen pounds ( I feel confident that I will now be able to make this happen after being treated for my hypothyroidism)
8. Stash away enough cash to make a down payment on a house.
9. Avoid getting laid off from work.
10. Improve my diet by eating only non-inflammatory foods.

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Anger and Shame

Ever since I was given my diagnosis from the doctor yesterday, I have felt very angry and ashamed. I feel like I am weak and something is seriously wrong. Part of me does not trust Western Science at all, and part of me feels like I would be an idiot to not listen to the doctor.

When I spoke with Craig the other evening, he suggested that I created this disease and that I have the power to uncreate it.

All I know is that the physical symptoms from my Hypothyroidism are very real and I feel like crap all of the time. Science is telling me that my thyroid gland will never recover, but the spirit part of me does not want to believe this.

All I know is that I want to feel better.

Auto-immune

So I spoke to my spiritual counselor on Friday night, a nutritionist on Sunday, and my Endocrinologist today and discovered many things that I believe are going to change my life. Unfortunately, the test results determined that I do have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and that my thyroid gland is under-active. She gave me a month supply of levothyroxine, and said that in a few days I should feel a lot better.

I have been thinking about it, and have decided to take the levothyroxine for now. I am also radically changing my diet to strictly anti-inflammatory foods. That means no coffee, sugar, stevia, gluten, dairy etc.

I am sad but also a bit excited to think that taking this pill will cure all of the physical symptoms I have been suffering from for the past few years.

So I Found Out What Is Causing My Health Problems

On Monday I decided to finally go to the hospital and get my blood test to see if I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. To my dismay, on Wednesday morning I got a call from the Endocrinologist to set up an appointment to talk to me about my results. I asked the receptionist if my thyroid anti-bodies were high and she said yes - although she did not have the authority to give me my diagnosis. I am pretty sure that it means that I have it. That really sucks, but at least I know now what the root cause of my:

• depression
• cold intolerance
• constipation
• leg cramps
• ten pounds that I cannot seem to lose
• bad memory
• poor concentration
• panic attacks

The bad news is that traditional medicine says that there is no cure for Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, and that I should take synthetic thyroid hormone replacement medicine the rest of my life. The good  news is that my landlord is an alternative medicine practitioner and she said that she has treated many people for this disease and all of them are doing well, without having to take the hormones. I am meeting with her this weekend, so she can evaluate what I need to do to start getting better.

This condition has been coming on for the last few years. I have known that there was something wrong with me, although I did not know what it was or what I needed to do to get better. At least now I feel like I finally know what is causing the problem, and that is half the battle. Even though it is daunting to face an illness for which there supposedly no cure, I believe that I will find a way somehow. It is probably going to involve a big change in my diet, and I am going to have to continue the exercise regimen I have been undertaking for the past month permanently, but that is okay. I just want to get better.

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Something I Find Annoying

This is probably petty - but still annoys me nonetheless.

I joined Facebook a few months ago and for some reason, tons of people I went to high school with have reconnected with me. Most of the women who have become moms have a photo of their kids set as their profile pictures, and all they talk about are their kids. It is like their whole identity is based around their children.

This makes me not want to have kids.

Plan B

So, as I have mentioned before, I have been somewhat worried about getting laid off from U.Va. in the coming year. Most people at work think I am paranoid, but I guess I have learned from the past that surprises do happen and nothing is completely for certain. Just the fact that we have received a few emails detailing how they are trying to avoid layoffs - sends a signal to me that they might be coming. If they truly were surely not going to happen - why mention anything about them at all?

Hopefully it will NOT happen, but I am emotionally and mentally preparing myself beforehand in case they do. I have decided that I am going to go to Graduate School to get my Master's Degree if I get laid off from this job. I will probably got to Virginia Commonwealth University to do it as they are the top ranking public University in regard to the Arts in the country and within driving distance from where I live.

I think it is a great alternate plan - I would totally be okay with that. I think it would make my career much better in the long run as well.

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Incompleteness

The other night I decided to read through all of my old blog posts - it was interesting, although I noticed that I never really followed through on a few of the more interesting posts. For example, I started to detail my dad's panic disorder and subsequent substance abuse and prescription med addiction but never finished the story or followed up on it. I suppose it is partly because it is uncomfortable and depressing to write about, and also partly about not really writing enough in this blog to really make it go anywhere. I have been trying to catch up lately since I have been feeling more communicative. Hopefully over the next few weeks or whatever I will follow up on that particular subject. I am still working on launching my websites, but sometimes it is a welcome respite to just dump a bunch of personal stuff into here. It is kind of therapeutic.

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Turmoil

Over the past few weeks, things have been pretty hectic at work. We have been receiving emails about how the University is facing tough times ahead and that they are doing everything they can to protect the workforce and avoid layoffs. That is somewhat comforting news, but I am well aware that I am not out of the woods yet. On top of the economic worries and uncertain future, we are also being forced to accept that there will be no pay increases for at least two years and all open positions will remain unfilled. That means less help and more work for everyone.

At least I still have a job.

I did reach a milestone last week - I worked with the Webmaster to redesign the homepage of the Arts & Sciences website. I did some initial design comps based on her wireframes in Photoshop, which she modified a bit... then I refined the details, built out the new slideshow, sliced the images, and wrote all of the xhtml and css code. I finally launched it after testing and debugging in Internet Explorer  6.0 (GOD I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THIS BROWSER GOES AWAY FOREVER) on friday. Seriously, by the end of the day yesterday I had a raging headache and had to pull over to puke twice when driving home from work.

I do not handle stress well. :(

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Your Silent Face

A thought that never changes
Remains a stupid lie
It's never been quite the same
No hearing or breathing
No movement, no colors
Just silence

Rise and fall of shame
A search that shall remain
We asked you what you'd seen
You said you didn't care

Sound formed in a vacuum
May seem a waste of time
It's always been just the same
No hearing or breathing
No movement no lyrics
Just nothing

The sign that leads the way
The path we can not take
You've caught me at a bad time
So why don't you piss off

--New Order

I have been a fan of New Order since I was 14 years old (1988) but never owned the album "Power, Corruption, and Lies" until a recent record shopping trip in NYC. I found a new copy of the original 1983 pressing on vinyl at a store in the Village called Rockit Scientist. I have often been told that it is the best New Order album ever made and I think I agree. I am glad that I held out and got a vinyl copy of the release because it really does sound fantastic - this song in particular makes me cry every time I listen to it. There is something very mystical about Bernhard's voice and pads in it - and the vinyl version has this deep rolling bass hum that grabs your solar plexus and makes you feel like you are floating.

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Shine

Put on your blindfold

And a dress that's tight

And come with me

On a mystery night

Open your eyes


Follow our stars under a painted sky

We'll leave the world behind

We're learning to fly

We used to get by


Forget the pictures on your TV screen

We'll steal the visions

That you keep for your dreams

You can turn me on


I was blind and I saw the light

My angel coming

In a brilliant white

Shine for me


You've been hanging from a rope of mediocrity

Strung up by your insecurities

You can shine for me

Somebody has to

Shine for me

It's difficult not to

Shine for me


Follow our stars under a painted sky

We'll leave the world behind

We're learning to fly

We used to get by


Forget the pictures on your TV screen

We'll steal the visions

That you keep for your dreams

You can turn me on


You've been hanging from a rope of mediocrity

Strung up by your insecurities

You can shine for me

Somebody has to

Shine for me

It's difficult not to

Shine for me

Somebody has to

Shine for me

It's difficult not to

Shine for me

--Depeche Mode

I have been listening to the Exciter album a lot recently and was pleased to find out that that my favorite track on it is entitled the same word as my middle name.

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Scorpio Rising mix

Here is the link to download another mix I made for my radio show at WTJU

Selekta Stjarna - October 31st, 2008


Tracklisting:

1. Electrosmog - Swiss Invader | DJAX-Up-Beats
2. Silicon Scally - Chrome Introduction | SCSI-AV
3. Sbles3plex - Sweet Self Destruction | FBI
4. Scape One - Electro Plasma System | Drivecom
5. Blotnik Brothers - Masheen Song | Satamile
6. Freddy Fresh - Grape Crush | Electro Music Foundation Ltd.
7. The Dexorcist - Connect One | Control Tower
8. Hack the Tab - Hack the Tab is Back (bass Junkie Rmx) | Kracktronik
9. Bitstream - Anno Domini | Touchin Bass
10. Lowfish - 8_Op | Satamile
11. Heuristic Audio - Fracture | Satamile
12. Mandroid - Instigated Monopolization | Breakin Records
13. Ipiki Ookami - Come Back | Unity Trax
14. Scape One - Retropolitan (Dusseldorf) | Electrix
15. Clone Theory - Splicer | Electrolab
16. Ben Milstein - Fuzzy | Outside Recordings
17. Morphogenetic - Urban Dweller | Dona-Li Records
18. DJ Dijital - Mind of the Master | Direct Beat
19. Gab.Gato vs. Xbeat - AutoBody | The Villains
20. Sonar Base - Processing Plant | SCSI-AV
21. Magnetize - Regalith | Templedog

This mix is more energetic and funky than the last one. Check it out, there are some really good, deep tracks on here which I am very happy I managed to record into a mix. This has been my favorite workout mix to listen to at the gym.

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Another House

Santino and I met with the real estate agent to look at another house today. This one was about $70,000 less expensive than the one other one I blogged about. It has half the amount of acreage, is about eighteen years old and is one story as opposed to two story (also no garage, jacuzzi, fireplace, or loft) but it was pretty cute and I would not mind living there at all. The cool thing about it is our mortgage would be a heck of a lot cheaper, we would have the space we need (right now our house seems to be growing uncomfortably too small), and Skyline Drive is literally a short hike down the road. There is also this really charming and cute front porch with a porch swing which faces a gorgeous mountain view, rear deck, electrified lamppost at the end of the driveway, skylight in one of the bathrooms, new appliances and fixtures, rear deck, and huge kitchen. Santino and I would each get our own individual creative studios again and we would even have an extra bedroom for guests left over.

I really feel like I am at a time in my life when buying a house it feeling right. I have read that the Treasury is formulating a plan to drop interest rates to 4.5% (the lowest in U.S. history!) and I feel very fortunate that I might have the opportunity to take advantage of it.

We have one more house we wanna look at. It is in Esmont, VA and has 21 acres, a fireplace and looks kinda interesting. It is about $40,000 more than this one.

I am still having trouble letting go of the new construction that I fell in love with... it has so many features that I have always wanted in a home. The jacuzzi is really appealing to me, and has plenty of room for creative art/music studios plus a family if we decide to have one. I was spoiled early in my life when my parents renovated a house and installed a jacuzzi in my bathroom. It seems like I am not going to be happy until I get one again. I might just have to get over that, though - because the bank is going to have the final say in regard to what we are going to be able to afford, so I am trying to keep my feet grounded and be grateful for what we will be able to get!

I am sick and tired of sending a rent check to pay someone else's mortgage every month.

Accomplishment

Last Thursday I attended a reception at Garrett Hall at U.Va. to receive an award for the work I did on the Music Department website redesign project I completed last summer at my job.

It felt nice.

I have been doing a whole bunch of incremental improvements for the Arts & Sciences website for the past few months, which should get wrapped up in the next couple of weeks.

My next big project is a redesign of the Campaign for the College website. I am looking forward to it!